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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26832718">not exactly what i thought</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/acenhypen/pseuds/acenhypen'>acenhypen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>I-LAND (Korea TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Compliant, Gen, discontinued cuz iland ended and i dont want to remember that show, heeseung is overhyped but underrated i said what i said, idk what to write anymore, sunoo is more than just a bubbly boy and a pretty face, sunseung, tags keep changing, this fandom needs to appreciate this friendship more, why do ships with heeseung have more than one name?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:47:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26832718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/acenhypen/pseuds/acenhypen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(discontinued)</p><p>first impressions tell a lot about a person.</p><p>but not everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Heeseung &amp; Kim Sunoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. "kim sunoo"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i imagined this is how sunseung's friendship developed. from my perspective, i feel like these two have not really bonded until the training camp and iland part 2 but they had impressions of each other since they had built up quite a name in i-land, heeseung as the ace and sunoo as the meme-able boy who has insane duality. this is how i imagined them getting to know each other as more than what people say about them through each other's perspective.</p><p>disclaimer: this is purely a work of fiction.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>heeseung thought kim sunoo could do better.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>heeseung thought that first impressions matter.<br/>
first impressions are like a preview to what a person's character is. it also shows whether you'd like to see more of that person or not.</p><p>extrovert or introvert.<br/>
loud or shy.<br/>
bubbly or serious.</p><p>you could tell a lot from a first impression.</p><p>but not everything.</p><p>when he first met kim sunoo, heeseung had never really paid attention to him though the younger boy's energy, extreme bubbliness and funny expressions was hard to not notice. he's like that one character in a drama that is everyone's favorite.</p><p>heeseung had heard one of the trainees with them call kim sunoo 'sunshine-ssi' because he is always bright. even his face is bright without effort. like he would get scolded but still, a hint of a smile lingers on his face throughout every session. he even wears yellow a lot during their physical training before i-land.</p><p>they didn't talk, not once, during those times since it is not allowed during sessions and also partly because heeseung had not been fully interested in mingling much when he could have been practicing. whenever he could though, he had smiled politely at him but other than that, kim sunoo didn't actually make a lasting impression on him.</p><p>then came the start of i-land. after their official introduction to the media, kim sunoo had been the one to approach heeseung, shy and unsure.</p><p>"h-heeseung-hyung?" came the small, timid but giddy voice behind him as he stood watching his bighit friends mingle with fellow contestants.</p><p>turning around, heeseung met eyes with the younger boy.<br/>
"ah, kim sunoo-ssi..." heeseung trailed off, wondering why this person is suddenly talking to him. they weren't even properly acquainted.</p><p>kim sunoo opened his mouth to speak, searching for words.<br/>
"i just... i wanna ask. did i do something wrong?"</p><p>"huh?"</p><p>the younger lightly scratched the back of his ear.<br/>
"when we had our pt... you kind of... ignored me? i don't know. i just... i wanna ask if maybe i did something that made you not like me." he nervously laughed.</p><p>heeseung was genuinely surprised that time. he didn't know kim sunoo felt that way. that didn't even cross his mind since he never really though much of the people he is with in the physical training sessions. it kinda irked him to know that kim sunoo wanted to initiate friendship but he was too busy practicing.</p><p>the answer he had given to kim sunoo was simple: they weren't allowed to talk during sessions and they usually end late so there wouldn't be time to hang out. also, there was a side comment about practicing in spare time which was true.</p><p>the boy seemed relieved when they cleared up their misunderstanding and after that, heeseung didn't think much of that little interaction.</p><p>on the day of the entrance test to i-land, kim sunoo had made a better impression on him compared to their last encounters.</p><p>heeseung thought the concept of the song fit him best.</p><p>as kim sunoo performed 'crown', his facial expressions and stage presence had captured heeseung's attention. for someone who has only trained for less than a year, his expressions were natural and compared to that awkward boy talking to him before, this kim sunoo was more confident.</p><p>when he had got in, heeseung was impressed.</p><p>but 16 applicants passed into i-land and only 12 must remain.</p><p>as much as he hated how kind of judgmental he is, one of the people that had popped in his head was kim sunoo.</p><p>while chatting with and getting to know him along with the other 'crown' unit members, heeseung had seen how different kim sunoo is. he was too carefree, too relaxed and kinda delicate-looking. he was a good person, fun even, but as an artist, he needed to improve or heeseung was worried he'd get trampled over.</p><p>from his 3 year training back in bighit, heeseung realized that in order to be an idol, you must be tough and hard to break. it was nothing personal but the 18 year old boy had thought kim sunoo could improve his mindset more as an artist if he had something to strive hard for.</p><p>so when the time had come for the selection of 4 applicants to vote out, heeseung picked kim sunoo.</p>
<hr/><p>minutes after his friends' departure to ground, heeseung felt that time that he should have done more for the i-landers to get a higher score so that fewer people would have left after the first test. he knew it was useless to dwell on what has been done so when he was calm enough, he had wiped his tears and prepared for the coming of those coming from ground.</p><p>it was bittersweet: gaining new companions in exchange for those who were sent out.</p><p>when the gate had rotated with the newcomers inside, heeseung couldn't help the delighted gasp that escaped him when kim sunoo was one of those that emerged out of it.</p><p>heeseung had found himself locking the younger in an embrace. kim sunoo wore a shy smile as he told him that he had a lot of questions to ask.</p><p>the older was happy that the fox-eyed boy had worked hard to go to i-land. he thought the younger had become a better competitor in this show and instead of being intimidated, heeseung was somehow proud.</p><p>"wah. you work too hard, heeseung-hyung."<br/>
two days before the second test, heeseung had realized he wasn't alone anymore inside the individual practice room when a voice disrupted his immense focus in performing the whole dance, making sure to get it down to the last detail.</p><p>he turned around to find sunoo offering him a cold, refreshing bottle of water with his trademark eye smile.</p><p>with a thankful grin, he accepted it and drank half the contents of the bottle in one gulp.</p><p>"aren't you going to rest even for a bit, hyung? it is almost night and jungwon said you've been here for hours." sunoo had questioned curiously.</p><p>heeseung sighed as he grabbed the tablet he brought with him. "we've got a few days left and i'm assigned the center position so i need to give the best i can. for a higher score and a lower number of drop outs."</p><p>there was awe and unabashed admiration in the younger's voice as he spoke.<br/>
"you're very thoughtful and selfless too. i guess you really are perfect..."</p><p>a warm feeling heeseung was sure was not the result of his intense practice spread through his whole body as he felt both happy and taken aback by the sudden compliment. kim sunoo sure knows how to make someone flustered.</p><p>"i'm not perfect, sunoo-ssi." he was failing in hiding the smile that formed in his face, a habit of his when he gets complimented.</p><p>sunoo smiled back.<br/>
"well then, you're the closest to being perfect."</p><p>not used to pretty words, heeseung had wanted to end the conversation or he'd get a fever.<br/>
"have you gotten the hang of the dance?"</p><p>it had been sunoo's turn to be taken by surprise.</p><p>he fiddled with his hands.<br/>
"i actually didn't feel like practicing today since i feel like i overworked myself yesterday."</p><p>"oh."</p><p>heeseung had not helped but feel a tad bit disappointed. it is not like he wanted kim sunoo to be like him. no, he would never. but all he wanted is for kim sunoo to work hard especially in this survival show with limited time to practice. this might be a competition but heeseung wanted to help everyone be able to show their best especially since he has become friends with most of them. it was a foolish hope for everyone to debut at the same time but heeseung wanted all of them to at least have no regrets in terms of performance.</p><p>the younger must have noticed the slight change in the atmosphere. it felt a little heavier.<br/>
"well, i've memorized the whole dance and my part but there are still a few things to fix..." he trailed off. then, an assuring smile stretched from his lips."... but i think i'll be able to perfect it, hyung. don't worry."</p><p>and he did. kim sunoo had gotten the 5th highest score in the second test.<br/>
overall, the i-landers had a better and higher score than the last.</p><p>but still, they had needed to vote 4 people again.</p><p>and as impressive and much more improved he is, kim sunoo's name appeared in his head again upon choosing the drop outs.</p><p>kim sunoo has potential. a lot of it actually. he also has a wonderful personality. heeseung realized he had began to like the boy's funny antics and bubbly nature.</p><p>but it felt like he was still holding back. like he still hasn't dedicated his all. he still hasn't given his best in the performances. he still has something to show but he doesn't push harder.</p><p>so, for the second time, kim sunoo had been picked as a drop out.</p><p>but when his name was called, he still had a bit of a smile on his face. it was like he had accepted it already the moment his face appeared on the screen.</p><p>heeseung had been surprised by that reaction. even though he was dropped out again, he still managed to look happy. heeseung didn't know if he was worried or amazed. maybe both.</p><p>once more, lee heeseung watched the gate rotate away from i-land with kim sunoo inside but this time, it had left a heavier effect on him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>edit: why do i always post a chapter then realize i have to edit when i've already posted it???</p><p>anyways, enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. "lee heeseung-hyung"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>sunoo thought lee heeseung had no flaws.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>in his 16 years of life, kim sunoo had never met someone as talented as the doe-eyed guy that entered the practice studio on the first day of trainees' physical training.</p><p>his name turned out to be lee heeseung. sunoo could recall how soft his voice was when he introduced himself.</p><p>sunoo had no idea why most of the other trainees kept looking at him, some with admiration while a few were giving him subtle dirty looks. </p><p>lee heeseung had just stood there silently. sunoo thought he has such a tame and friendly face. also the way he carried himself was quiet and unassuming, maybe a little bit timid. he wasn't as assertive as the other trainees though there was an aura of confidence radiating from him.</p><p>there was a strict policy to not talk during sessions so sunoo had only been able to talk to the other trainees after. sometimes they made plans to hang out when they're free.</p><p>not even once did he ever get a chance to talk to lee heeseung who always left immediately.</p><p>he had asked one of the trainees he befriended and the reply had been,</p><p>"that guy is all work, work, work that's why he's good. i believe he never rests especially now that there would be a survival show for debut."</p><p>sunoo only nodded that time, not really knowing what to say since lee heeseung didn't show something to prove what they say.</p><p>still, sunoo had wanted to befriend the quiet guy and wanted to get his attention after sessions even though he always left early.</p><p>on the bright side, lee heeseung smiled politely whenever they met eyes but other than that, sunoo had been mostly ignored. not that he's the only one with that treatment but it kinda hurt. he had felt that especially when the two of them once more met eyes as sunoo was getting scolded and instead of that usual polite smile,<br/>lee heeseung had just stared back and then broke eye contact.</p><p>sunoo had not been sure if it was just nothing and he was just being sensitive but the thought of lee heeseung disliking him was stamped to his head until the day the i-land trainees are properly introduced to the media came.</p><p>with enough courage, he had confronted the other.</p><p>lee heeseung had this look of utter surprise on his face after hearing what sunoo had to say. he could see it clearly in his doe eyes.</p><p>"i didn't know i gave that kind of impression, sunoo-ssi. i'm sorry. i was just too focused on the physical training itself and practicing after sessions that i didn't even notice that i was making you or anyone feel that way." lee heeseung had bowed, taking sunoo by surprise by his formality and manners.</p><p>the 16 year old boy had only laughed nervously though he was glad that their misunderstanding was cleared up and lee heeseung didn't actually dislike him.</p><p>about a week or few after that, the day of the entrance test in i-land came and it was then that mysterious lee heeseung truly surprised him.</p><p>sunoo felt his jaw dropping the moment the music started and lee heeseung had raised his head, traces of his quietness shed to reveal a confident and eye-catching performer. </p><p>he danced with undeniable power sunoo did not expect to see from him awhile ago. and his singing voice was so clear and strong compared to his soft talking voice. it even had that trendy tone to it that sunoo really liked. and his expressions showed overflowing passion he had not seen in any other trainee with them.</p><p>sunoo only had one word to describe him.<br/>"idol..." he was basically like one already. from his stage presence to his undeniable talent, sunoo wondered how even more perfect he could get with his non-stop practice.</p><p>with that even better impression, sunoo had wanted to get to know lee heeseung more and be friends with him but a sudden feeling of intimidation bloomed in sunoo's chest after seeing how good a performer the other is. he was tough competition in this survival show and sunoo had felt his initial thoughts of chances to debut decrease a little.</p><p>sunoo had gotten in. he honestly never thought he would since he wasn't able to practice that much due to circumstances. though it was also sad that some didn't get in, sunoo had never felt happier in his days as a trainee than now.</p><p>then the announcement had come.<br/>4 drop outs must be picked.</p><p>sunoo had felt scared but was slightly relieved to find that they're not truly going home already. whatever happens, there is still a chance he could be an idol.</p><p>so he had pushed that thought to the back of his mind as he decided to tour i-land and maybe make some friends.</p><p>from all the people in there, he had never expected lee heeseung to approach him.</p><p>sunoo found out that he's actually really friendly compared to his perception of him being too reserved and anti-social.</p><p>a bit funny too. sunoo had been slightly stunned at his goofy dribbling and shooting skills demonstration when the conversation between the four of them (lee heeseung-hyung, him, jake-hyung, and youngbin-hyung) had moved to basketball. </p><p>then the topic had become who they thought would get picked out and sunoo thought about himself getting dropped out. it is not like he is not good but sunoo had thought that compared to the others, he really needed to train more though it's hard.</p><p>of course, lee heeseung had stayed. they'd be stupid to even think of voting him out. sunoo was amazed and jealous at the same time.</p><p>but sunoo... just as he himself had expected, was dropped out with the most votes. it hurt, very much, but he knew it was nothing personal so he had gotten up with a smile on his face and a promise to himself that he would go back to i-land and prove the others that he is as competent as everyone.</p><p>as a fruit of his hardwork and newfound determination though he still reminded himself to take a break, sunoo had found himself stepping inside the gate to i-land once more.</p><p>having dried his tears, sunoo had not expected to be welcomed so warmly by the i-landers nor be wrapped in an embrace by a certain lee heeseung-hyung. even when they made up, sunoo had that small feeling lee heeseung wouldn't pay much attention to him again since there are a lot more people in i-land he could befriend than him so he had been genuinely happy he was proven wrong.</p><p>when they had been asked to choose parts for the second test, sunoo got one of the lesser parts with only one line. he didn't have the confidence to take bigger parts since the old i-landers were mostly recommended and he had not been comfortable yet in speaking up in the presence of new people.</p><p>it was no surprise that lee heeseung had gotten part 1. there was a shy attempt in his part to hide the delighted smile on his face. sunoo found it quite adorable.</p><p>"that was just the worst."<br/>hearing those from a well-respected person in the idol industry had been a very hurtful experience to sunoo during the midpoint evaluation. but lee heeseung acted like he just got more encouraged to work harder even when he was specifically scolded. it was like those harsh words had become an inspiration to him.</p><p>sunoo had thought at that time,</p><p><em>how does such a person have everything good in life?</em> </p><p>it was like he doesn't have weaknesses. sunoo had admired and envied the ace for being so good at everything. he was rained with both talent and attitude when he was born.</p><p>having seen his heeseung-hyung work hard and be close to perfect had served as one of sunoo's motivations to be a better trainee but he still made sure to never overwork himself or he would regret it.</p><p>he had came to admire the older more when he decided to visit him one day in the individual practice room.</p><p>the moment he had said he wasn't practicing that day, it was as if the room got smaller with his heeseung-hyung's little 'oh'.</p><p>sunoo hadn't seen what was wrong with what he said. him not practicing for just a day had nothing to do with anyone. it was a personal choice.</p><p>
  <em>could he have been worried it would affect the team's performance?</em>
</p><p>"... but i think i'll be able to perfect it, hyung. don't worry."</p><p>it had been evident in heeseung's stance that he was somehow relieved.<br/>sunoo had realized he doesn't just think of himself. </p><p>he really thinks like a leader.</p><p>thus, another reason had added up to why sunoo thought his lee heeseung-hyung was literally perfect.</p><p>maybe that's why he stayed and sunoo was dropped out for the second time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. "sunoo-ssi"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>heeseung finally saw what kim sunoo could do as a performer.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>lee heeseung rarely feels worried in terms of his performance. though he wasn't the type to boast, he has complete confidence in his skills.</p><p>he had not spent 3 years training for nothing.<br/>even here in i-land, heeseung made sure to always work hard everyday to be better than yesterday but lesser than tomorrow.</p><p>knowing that he works hard, he has full trust in himself to always give a good performance.</p><p>when he had been chosen as one of the vocal representatives, heeseung knew they had a good chance of winning as long as he and geonu give their best.</p><p>heeseung never once had felt worried he couldn't do it during practice and the midpoint evaluation though he knew he had a huge responsibility on his shoulder to make sure no i-lander is dropped out.</p><p>but then, after the evaluation, the i-landers have been given a chance to see what the grounders have been practicing.</p><p>to his pleasant surprise, kim sunoo along with daniel had appeared on the wide screen. it had intrigued heeseung.</p><p>when he started singing, heeseung had finally realized that this really is a battle between them and the grounders. a battle between the representatives chosen as best to compete.</p><p>and kim sunoo had started to show that he really is now a true competitor in i-land. he wasn't holding back anymore. this is what he had to show to everyone.</p><p>from the short video of their practice, 'save me' fitted kim sunoo's voice so much. his voice wasn't too exceptional but heeseung noticed how it had something that just matched with how the music in the song goes.</p><p>in a way, upon watching the video, heeseung somehow felt proud again. he admitted that he had underestimated the younger. he had unintentionally branded kim sunoo only as the 'bubbly one' when he had talent to show.</p><p>seeing the other team had also opened heeseung's eyes once more to the fact that if he ever fails in getting a higher score, he would be held responsible when 6 i-landers go to ground. if it reaches that case, heeseung had just wished he'd be one of the drop outs.</p><p>for the first time, the 18 year old boy had been intensely worried they wouldn't be able to win with his skills. so, he had worked even harder. he has trust in his skills but he won't be complacent.</p><p>he can't be complacent. not when people depended on him to win.</p><hr/><p>kim sunoo had looked paler than usual when the day of the test came and they had all gathered on the stage from opposite sides of it. his bubbly side had not been completely present also. instead, he had a tough and serious expression on. he looked like he wasn't there to play.</p><p>his behavior reminded the older that this was nothing like the previous test where the group's fate depended on the group themselves. this was more difficult and nerve-racking. heeseung understood the heavy weight on everyone in here.</p><p>if he could, he would have given the other group a thumbs up or any encouraging gesture but he had been busy calming his fast beating heart and trying to remember what he had practiced.</p><p>
  <em>i can do this! i have to do this!</em>
</p><p>the moment heeseung had grabbed hold of the mic, the performace felt like a blur. he couldn't remember much of it after the moment he had sang the last part of the song but he was assured to know that he had given his best. he did well. he had finally done it. a part of the heavy feeling in his chest had been lifted. he had done the best he can do right now so it was all just up to what happens next.</p><p>when he and geonu had sat down, their friends praising them, the ground vocal representative unit had now stood up.</p><p>kim sunoo's stance was stiffer than daniel when they had taken their positions on the stage. heeseung couldn't blame him. he believed this was the first time the younger had a huge part in a performance, hence the subtle pride heeseung felt. add the fact that everyone was relying on them to take home victory, it was impressive no one had gotten sick.</p><p>when the song started, kim sunoo had began to sing. he was really nervous. heeseung noticed he hadn't done some moves from the practice video shown in i-land and just settled on standing there. his nervousness was evident on his face, his voice, and his stance.</p><p>
  <em>he must have really felt the pressure of the test that it affected his performance a lot.</em>
</p><p>but as the performance continued, kim sunoo got less and less nervous until heeseung was surprised that he was suddenly performing with such grace on the stage.</p><p>his voice had lost its 'shortness' to it and had started to come out of him with much more clarity and strength.</p><p>his muscles had been frozen at the start but then his movements had become so smooth and neat. like his body was flowing with the music.</p><p>his eyes, heeseung had never seen such eyes tell the story the song was trying to convey so perfectly. you'd see the helplessness in his gaze.</p><p>he was one with the song. sunoo had made the song his in the performance. the way he had moved to the song was so natural that it could lure you into it.</p><p>in heeseung's opinion, no one had ever looked that expressive on stage. and he had never been so enthralled that he wasn't able to take his eyes off the two grounders.</p><p>by the time the ground vocal representative unit had finished, heeseung had wanted to personally congratulate sunoo but found that it would be inappropriate at that moment.</p><p>and there was still the showing of the scores. heeseung had almost forgotten about that. a sudden fear had overcome him. he had confidence that they had sang and danced their best but upon seeing how sunoo and daniel performed, he wasn't so sure anymore.</p><p>for the first time, heeseung thought the other team had won already. they surprised him with how good they are, especially sunoo.</p><p>the bubbly boy performed so confidently and naturally that it had changed heeseung's perspective of him as a performer. he had now considered the younger boy as one of the best in i-land. and right now, he made him nervous.</p><p>heeseung had never been so nervous at the test results ever since i-land started until now. when he had gotten one of the smallest parts in the first test, heeseung had found it plausible that he'd get a low test score but now, this was a major part and he felt that what he did wasn't enough to make them win. maybe because he had a huge responsibility. if it was possible, he'd choose his own name as a drop out if they lose.</p><p>whatever happens though, he's sure he had given his best. he would try not to regret it and instead, let whatever result they get push him to do better. the only thing he had been really worried about is the fact that people would be sent to ground if they don't win.</p><p>they had to win. for the sake of the i-landers.</p><p>and they had a better shot at winning when heeseung had heard his teammates cheering the moment the scores were shown.</p><p>he had felt relieved for their team's sake but he also couldn't help but worry for what the other team could be feeling.</p><p>when he had decided to hug the other team, he noticed how sunoo was stiff in his embrace. heeseung understood. it may have been nothing personal but still the grounders have lost against them and it must have been so upsetting.</p><p>"you did well, sunoo-ssi." with a pat to the back, heeseung had said those words to the younger, both as a means of comfort and as a true compliment.</p><p>he really did well despite the test score.<br/>he really did well despite the overall score.<br/>he really did well even when the i-landers won.</p><p>he really did so well that as they parted ways, him going back to i-land and sunoo to ground, heeseung had a feeling that when there would be another chance that grounders could go back to i-land, sunoo would go up and he would never let himself go down again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. "the lee heeseung"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>lee heeseung's perfect and sunoo is starting to not like how he is so.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>kim sunoo hated lee heeseung.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>well, not really...</p><p>he doesn't hate lee heeseung himself, more like what lee heeseung can do.</p><p>and it's not really 'hate' but something leaning towards both admiration and frustration.</p><p>when the third test had been announced, sunoo knew he wanted the part. he had to have it. and he was sure he can do it.  he saw this test as a huge opportunity to showcase his talent and he was done playing easy.</p><p>
  <em>i will show them.</em>
</p><p>unlike from the first two tests, sunoo had decided to just screw it and give everything he has into practice. all he cared about was winning, both for himself and the grounders.</p><p>and he had this confidence as he watched himself in the mirror. he had gotten the moves right but not just that. he had understood the whole nature of the song. sunoo made sure to portray the message of 'save me' in his own way.</p><p>he was almost sure they'd win.</p><p>then, the sole wide screen in ground flashed into life when they were practicing two days before the test.</p><p>sunoo almost had a heart attack when the practice video of the i-land vocal representative unit played and a certain soft spoken, doe-eyed boy appeared, holding a remote as a microphone.</p><p>
  <em>why does he look so unassertive and intimidating at the same time?!</em>
</p><p>the 16 year old boy was too focused on his and daniel's stage that he had forgotten they were in a battle against i-land. a battle where only one would win.</p><p>and i-land had the lee heeseung with them.</p><p>the lee heeseung.</p><p>freaking flawless lee heeseung.</p><p>all rounder lee heeseung.</p><p>the ace, lee heeseung.</p><p>
  <em>well, i'm screwed.</em>
</p><p>there was a sudden deflation in sunoo's poise. like a cold bucket of ice water had been dropped on his head. a huge slap to the face.</p><p>his throat had dried up as he watched the i-land vocal representative unit show what they had practiced. he noticed he wasn't the only one watching with both anticipation and concern.</p><p>it was a silently agreed fact that a performance with lee heeseung in it was something to watch out for.</p><p>as expected, the ace had sung the falsettos in 'butterfly' effortlessly with perfect strength and control in his voice. it was like he was eating cd's for breakfast. he could run for a mile and sunoo would bet his favorite shirt that he would still be able to sing in a stable way.</p><p>also, how he moved to the song without losing power as he continued to sing so perfectly is just so, so... him.</p><p><em>is he supposed to be that good in a practice video</em>??</p><p>"i now understand why they say heeseung is good." though he didn't know who spoke since his eyes were glued to the screen, sunoo had found himself wholeheartedly agreeing with the statement.</p><p>he had never been so displeased yet fascinated by someone's talent before.</p><p>they still had 2 days before the test but lee heeseung performed already like a pro. even when sunoo tried his hardest to look for any kind of mistake, a flat tone or a misstep or whatever, he had found none.</p><p>lee heeseung is already perfect.</p><p>what more when it comes to the time they perform?</p><p>watching him had made sunoo want to crawl under a rock. he had never felt so intimidated by anyone before.</p><p>but he had been suddenly reminded of what's at stake.</p><p>a chance to go back to i-land.</p><p>a chance to debut.</p><p>sunoo had realized he wasn't going to let those chances go without a fight. who knows if this opportunity will be given to them again? his chances for debut along with the others strongly depend on how he will do in the test.</p><p>yes, he was scared that they are up against one of the best applicants but sunoo had found confidence in himself to do well. he knew his strengths and charms.</p><p>he would make sure he'd give one heck of a performance.</p><p>putting a smile on, sunoo had decided to practice once more and make full use of the remaining days they had to give the best he can into this test. consider it a gift to his self.</p><p>when they had stepped out of the gate, sunoo felt small upon seeing the white clad i-landers standing so proudly on the stage, waiting for them. he had thought at that time his heart was going to burst out of his chest and his legs would give out as they stood side by side with the i-landers.</p><p>there had been no friendly greetings nor polite nods. not even a turn of the head.</p><p>this was more serious than he thought.</p><p>it reminded him that i-land is a competition. not a recreational camp. even though they had made friends, this was still a battle for survival.</p><p>
  <em>focus, sunoo. remember what you practiced. you can win this. you'd go there and---</em>
</p><p>"the i-land vocal representative unit will go first. stand by."</p><p>
  <em>what?</em>
</p><p>sunoo had wanted to go first. one, because he would feel better throughout the remaining time of the test. and two, performing after watching the i-landers' stage...</p><p>he had not been sure he could do it the way he had planned it.</p><p>"sunoo-hyung, you okay?" daniel had tapped his arm and asked.</p><p>
  <em>i hope i'll be.</em>
</p><p>he had offered a smile in return, eyes bright with assurance.</p><p>this was supposed to be a very special day to sunoo yet he wasn't feeling it as they sat.</p><p>"heeseung really did well in the practice video. i wonder how possible it is for him to do better than that." he had heard his jaeho-hyung comment. sunoo wondered too. he had found himself unintentionally keeping a closer eye on i-land's ace.</p><p>he didn't know if it was a trick of the light or was heeseung slightly trembling while he and geonu stood on the stage, waiting for the song to start?</p><p>a thought that the doe-eyed guy was as nervous as he is had crossed his mind but whether it was true or not, lee heeseung still started the song strong. the mood of the song had immediately taken over the moment he sang its first lines. sunoo wondered how it must feel to be someone like lee heeseung and do great no matter what. it must feel so amazing.</p><p>when they had just reached the first chorus, sunoo didn't want to believe that the voice he heard sing that falsetto was in fact, live. it couldn't be.</p><p>the way lee heeseung had full control of his body as he moved to the music was insane. every movement he made was with precision and grace.</p><p>their practice video was mediocre compared to what sunoo was seeing right in front of him and that said a lot.</p><p>the longer the performance had went on, the more it got better. sunoo had thought it was impossible but he was seeing it with his own two eyes.</p><p>by closer inspection, he had noticed how the two i-landers are satisfyingly in sync. like two wings of a butterfly.</p><p>and then lee heeseung was flying. he moved and jumped with ease while still maintaining perfect control of his voice.<br/>there seemed no effort in his part at the jump yet there was such power in his movements.</p><p>his falsettos are beautiful.</p><p>the emotions in his voice really spoke tons of the message in the song. not just that, his face also reflected just enough the utter fear and pain in the song.</p><p>he was the song itself.</p><p>when the word 'butterfly' escaped his lips, heeseung had lifted his hand and head neatly, the light hitting his face perfectly as he sang. his expression had that pure bittersweetness in it that hit sunoo hard on how the song is so poignantly beautiful.</p><p>the performance had completely blown him away. it was probably one of the best performances he's ever witnessed.</p><p>and just like that, lee heeseung ended the song just as strong as he started it, maybe even better.</p><p>sunoo felt that watching it as only a viewer would have been an even more awesome experience. just a viewer and not as a competitor.</p><p>a few moments after, it was finally their turn.</p><p>"sunoo-hyung, we can win this. it can be like a gift for your birthday today." daniel gave him a sweet smile, forcing himself to be positive.</p><p>
  <em>oh yeah, it is my birthday today...</em>
</p><p>being reminded of that, sunoo was torn between the intense joy he would feel if they win on his birthday and the just as strong feeling of bitter remorse he would feel if they don't.</p><p>he just wished by a twist of fate, luck would help him as a birthday gift.</p><p>that thought, even at the slightest bit, didn't ease his mind. it just made him more determined to win. it made him more scared to lose.</p><p>but, there's no backing out anymore.<br/>he wouldn't let anything or anyone stop him from showing what he's capable of.</p><p>so, frozen and tensed, sunoo had grabbed hold of the mic and started the performance, trying to do everything he had practiced with a reminder to not screw it up.</p><p>and then he just found himself letting go and allowing the music to take over him. every worry he had, he had forgotten in those short minutes.</p><p>by the time the performance had ended, sunoo knew he had done better than what he expected. it may not have gone completely in the way he had practiced it, but he felt great after the performance.</p><p>he had been satisfied with what he had done.</p><p>but still, the i-landers did a better job.</p><p>81 to 74...</p><p>he couldn't stop the need to just run back to his seat when the i-land vocal representatives had made their way to them after their score was announced.</p><p>it was a pleasant surprise though when lee heeseung gave him a hug and complimented him. sunoo knew he did well but hearing it from his heeseung-hyung was a whole other thing. it had felt like a big deal.</p><p>if he had not been so upset, sunoo would have been flustered. he would have given the older a smile and gushed about how wonderful he did.</p><p><em>he is lee heeseung. of course, he'd do wonderfully.</em> sunoo hated that there had been a tinge of bitterness in his thoughts.</p><p>it had rained that day. it wasn't such a welcoming thing the moment they exited i-land with the weight of their loss on their shoulders. he had wanted to curse whatever decided it was a nice day to rain.</p><p>as he sat on the floor back at ground, replaying the previous event, sunoo had thought then if there was such a thing as a chance to beat lee heeseung because if there was, he would like to know.</p><p>the guy is so talented that as a competitor in i-land, sunoo realized he kind of 'hated' him in a way. but not as a person, his heeseung-hyung is so kind that he doesn't deserve any kind of hate. sunoo found himself frustrated too at the fact that he is also amazing in terms of personality.</p><p>his once pure admiration for the other's 'perfection' when it comes to talent had now been tainted with a bit of resentment. sunoo now knew this was a real competition and lee heeseung is a tough player. but he would strive to be tougher.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>idk what direction this story is going lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. "sunoo-ah"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>kim sunoo is an actual ray of sunshine.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>kim sunoo is an actual ray of sunshine.</p><p>he is like that one thing that could take away even a bit of that dark cloud over your head.</p><p>sunoo has that bright and enthusiastic aura that can lift someone's spirits up.</p><p>any room he enters in, he could brighten instantly up with his strong presence.</p><p>he could be overwhelming at first like a strong whiff of perfume, per say. but when you get to know him, he's actually a very warm person. like a blanket.</p><p>setting aside the fact that his appearance implies he already is, sunoo is a very comforting person with a bright smile and a warm heart.</p><p>heeseung had realized that during their training camp after part 1.</p><p>the 18 year old had made it then to the top 6. he had secured a spot in the next part of i-land. it was saddening when some of his friends were sent to ground but heeseung cannot deny the fact that he was glad he made it.</p><p>it had felt surreal and euphoric but he knew it wasn't the end yet. he had come to think he would have to work harder there, since his chance to debut depended on what he does in this final part of i-land. one wrong move could destroy everything.</p><p>just thinking about it had already made him tired and stressed. he had eaten up two packs of ramen in one sitting.</p><p>he supposed it was a bit of a good thing though. stress can be positive but all heeseung had wanted was a break, even just for a day.</p><p>i-land part 1 took a toll on him, both physically and mentally.</p><p>he knew working hard would help him reach his dream of debut but a little bit of rest wouldn't hurt that's why when they were informed of a training camp in between i-land part 1 and 2, heeseung had been a bit upset.</p><p>he tried looking at the positive side even though it's tough since it's no use being pessimistic towards things. it would just mess with his mindset.</p><p>
  <em>who knows? maybe, this training camp will turn out to be better than i expected.</em>
</p><p>the moment the 6 of them arrived at the venue, they were already given a schedule to follow.</p><p>they're supposed to have training sessions, dance classes and vocal training.</p><p>heeseung as an artist had been thankful.</p><p>heeseung as a person had just wanted to relax and have a moment of peace.</p><p>besides that, he had found out that aside from them, the other applicants would also be attending the camp.</p><p>realizing that he would have 21 companions for the month, he couldn't help but feel stunned at that moment.</p><p>it is not like he doesn't like people. heeseung considered himself a really friendly person despite being an introvert. it is just that, being introverted, heeseung is used to a small number of people around him.</p><p>and to be honest, he had not been able to get properly acquainted with some of the applicants. they are close to what heeseung considered strangers.</p><p>mingling with new people, heeseung had no problem with it. considering that he wanted to relax though, he had thought of that becoming possible only with his friends accompanying him.</p><p>then, the 6 of them have been told that they'd be assigned different roommates for the two weeks of the month. 2 people per room.</p><p>
  <em>great.</em>
</p><p>heeseung had silently wished he had gotten paired up with a close friend. jay, sunghoon, jungwon, jake, his k-hyung, geonu... anyone he had spent a long time with in i-land would have been nice.</p><p>when he had entered the room he was assigned in, the two only beds in the room had a name on each.</p><p>'kim sunoo'<br/>
the unoccupied bed had that name stuck on its headboard.</p><p>it wasn't sunoo's fault but heeseung was bummed upon seeing that. he had wished he wouldn't have any problem with the atmosphere inside the room.</p><p>sure, they're kind of friends since they were able to hang out at the time of the second test but heeseung had found out he wasn't comfortable enough with the younger boy to share rooms with him.</p><p>meeting him the next day along with the other applicants who went to ground, heeseung had an awkward feeling since he had already known they'd be roommates before the boy even arrived.</p><p>he had wondered what sunoo would think once he finds out.</p><p>when their leader had started to announce the roommates to the 22 of them, heeseung had that foolish hope they would change the arrangement.</p><p>"lee heeseung-ssi and kim sunoo-ssi."</p><p>plastering a polite smile, heeseung had stood up from where he was sitting to go to his and sunoo's designated seats as their leader listed out the camp's rules and regulations and whatnot.</p><p>sunoo had greeted him with a shy grin as they shook hands.<br/>
"nice to see you again, hyung."</p><p>heeseung had returned the greeting, feeling a bit more awkward then.</p><p>
  <em>is it too late to change roommates?</em>
</p><p>throughout the briefing with the camp leader, all the 18 year old boy wanted was to just get it all over with yet he knew it wasn't possible. so he just listened and tried to absorb as much information as he can.</p><p>sunoo had been quiet beside him the whole time until they retired to their respective rooms.</p><p>"wah!"<br/>
that had been sunoo's reaction upon entering their shared room. the boy had immediately dropped his bag on his bed and jumped on it with a huge smile on his face.</p><p>heeseung, on the other hand, had remembered being amused and slightly weirded out by his roommate's reactions as he sat on his bed, fidgeting.</p><p>a few moments after that, heeseung had felt sunoo's excitement slowly die down until all was left in the room was plainly awkward tension.</p><p>"i'm just going to shower, sunoo-ssi." had been all heeseung said before grabbing what he needed and going towards the bathroom outside.</p><p>he did not come back until it was late at night, having spent time at the room jungwon's in.</p><p>heeseung then had only one thought as his eyes fell upon sunoo's sleeping figure.</p><p>
  <em>it's just 2 weeks.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>just as heeseung had expected, the training camp was tough. kinda like i-land but without eliminations.</p><p>everyday, they had sessions such as group dance practices and one-on-one vocal training. they'd also have schedules about part distributions and such from time to time.</p><p>he had not been able to rest through the very first few days.</p><p>but despite it being hectic, heeseung kept learning a lot in this training camp, even about a certain kim sunoo.</p><p>heeseung had remembered it being a stressful day for him. it was a thursday and the weather was scorching. it had seemed like everyone was not in a good mood because of it, especially their dance instructor.</p><p>because of that, for the first time since their second test in i-land part 1, heeseung was scolded. no, more like harshly criticized and humiliated.</p><p>he had not been in the best condition since he had been worn out from yesterday's practice, he admitted, so his moves weren't as powerful and neat as they usually are when they practiced but he knew he was still decent enough.</p><p>that's why when the dance instructor started overreacting at his small 'mistake', he had felt like crying. heeseung rarely got that feeling. you know when your throat gets choked up and your eyes go hot with tears? yes, that.</p><p>he didn't understand what went wrong.</p><p>did the hot weather get into their dance instructor's head?</p><p>was it his fault?</p><p>nevertheless, despite that, he had managed to hold his sudden rise of emotions and keep a stoic face as their dance instructor threw unpretty words at him. the man practically treated him like he was a stupid newbie in front of the other applicants who he knew held him at a freaking high pedestal he didn't want.</p><p>stupid. yeah, he also felt that. thanks a lot to his dance instructor.</p><p>small too. heeseung had felt like a mouse the remaining time in the session that day. with eyes occasionally on him, him having seen it on the mirror or felt it boring holes on his back, it had been an actual pain acting like he was still fine after what happened.</p><p>his ego was bruised, his confidence was put down and his day was ruined.</p><p>
  <em>just great.</em>
</p><p>not even a second had passed since their dance instructor dismissed them when heeseung was bombarded by his friends with countless concerned questions and words of comfort which he appreciated but found unhelpful at the time.</p><p>"heeseung-hyung, you okay?"</p><p>"hyung, you did great!"</p><p>"heeseung, don't worry."</p><p>a hug or two had happened amidst those words. there had also been a pat in the back and a squeeze on the shoulder, he wasn't sure.</p><p>none of them, even at the slightest bit, eased what he had felt. in fact, all those gestures from his friends did was make him feel more miserable.</p><p>they made him want to shrink more and just disappear. his throat had tightened once again and his mouth had gone dry.</p><p>tears he didn't want anyone to see fall filled his eyes to the extent that heeseung thought that if he made the slightest move, they would come flowing out and he wouldn't be able to stop them.</p><p>all the fatigue and heavy emotions he had tried to push back had suddenly overwhelmed him.</p><p>he wanted to be alone.<br/>
he wanted to take a break.</p><p>barely holding everything in, heeseung was able to convince his friends everything was fine, lips struggling to not tremble through a tight smile and eyes failing to not falter to his feet.</p><p>then, he subtly left the scene and went immediately to his shared room.</p><p>he never screams. even when he gets frustrated, he wasn't the type to be vocal about it but the moment he shut the door to his room, that had been the first thing he did.</p><p>he screamed. he let out the frustrations and ill feelings he buried to himself since i-land started in a shrill, raw noise called a scream.</p><p>he screamed for minutes to his pillow, occasionally hitting the item and wetting it with his overflowing tears.</p><p>he screamed about the way he had been treated in the first test. he screamed for the scolding he got in the second test. he screamed his fears they wouldn't win in the third test. he screamed the pain and sadness that hit him when his friends went to ground.</p><p>he just screamed everything he had felt since he went to i-land. he just screamed without care about whether or not will he damage his voice. he just screamed.</p><p>he was tired. really tired.</p><p>and just like that, heeseung had found himself drifting to a much needed sleep. it had been the most peaceful yet tiring one ever since he had used this bed.</p><p>when he had awakened, the first thing he noticed was the cold, wet cloth sticking to his forehead and the blinding darkness in the room.</p><p>"w-wha---" a sudden pain in his throat stopped him from speaking further along with an uncomfortably dry mouth.</p><p>"good morning, heeseung-hyung."<br/>
came sunoo's voice as the door opened, allowing a bit of sunlight to enter the room and almost blinding the groggy boy.</p><p>the lights were turned on and heeseung felt like his eyes had been stabbed.</p><p>"it was a rough day yesterday, huh? you slept since the afternoon and had a slight fever."<br/>
there had been a sympathetic smile on sunoo's face upon approaching him.</p><p>as he got closer, heeseung had noticed through his hazy vision the tray of food on his dainty hands, specifically the steaming bowl of ramyeon. his stomach couldn't help but grumble.</p><p>"i brought some medicine too for you to drink after you eat."</p><p>once he settled down the tray on the bed, sunoo wore a smile as he offered a glass of water for heeseung to drink before eating.</p><p>heeseung, out of what he deemed as slight mistrust(?), just stared at sunoo, eyebrow raised.</p><p>as always, there was a bright expression on sunoo's face.<br/>
"i know what i'm doing, hyung. i see my sister doing this a lot."</p><p>"is your sister a nurse or doctor?"</p><p>"uh... something like that."</p><p>"okay. thanks."<br/>
heeseung was suddenly aware of what sunoo's doing.</p><p>he was taking care of him. in a way, the situation made him strangely uncomfortable.</p><p>as the youngest in the family, heeseung is used to being pampered and taken care of. but in i-land, he has always been one to act mature and adult-like to his fellow applicants.</p><p>he is a hyung here. the carer and the pacifier. not the baby his brothers and parents treat him.</p><p>that's why suddenly being in the care of someone is strange for him.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>no, wait. scratch that. it wasn't the taking care of him part that actually affected him. his k and seon-hyung take care of him sometimes. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>it was who.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>it was sunoo.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sunoo taking care of him was what made it strange for heeseung.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sunoo who he unashamedly left alone in their shared room on the younger boy's first night in the training camp.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sunoo who he judged as someone incompetent at the start of i-land.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sunoo who he didn't want to be roommates with.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the same sunoo tending to him while he was sick.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>guilt had seeped to heeseung's stomach, a huge knot forming in it. he wasn't as hungry as he was before.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>without meaning to, he had treated the younger boy in a way that he shouldn't be treated. because of his own feelings, he had not been a good person to sunoo.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>he had felt even more miserable than before.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>heeseung couldn't look at the younger boy even when sunoo pushed a pair of chopsticks to his hand since he was unresponsive.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"eat up now, hyung. i told the others you've gotten sick so you get a day off today."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>out of habit, heeseung had found himself wanting to practice.<br/>
"but i'm okay no---"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"heeseung-hyung, take a rest." there had been a look of finality in sunoo's fox-like eyes. he wouldn't take no for an answer.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sighing, heeseung drank from the glass sunoo had given to him, soothing his throat, before grabbing the still hot bowl of ramyeon. the least he can do to make up for everything was to accept sunoo's help.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>then, he had noticed something.<br/>
"aren't you going to eat?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sunoo shook his head. "i already ate, hyung. it's way past breakfast now."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"so, they're all practicing now?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"yep." came sunoo's cheerful reply.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"what about you?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"well..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>heeseung stopped from slurping the noodles to give sunoo a look who had sat at the foot of the bed, observing him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sunoo tends to be too relaxed. yes, sometimes you need a break but sunoo almost always takes a break. heeseung noticed during the second test those breaks tend to be more frequent compared to the time he practices. now that the second part of i-land is starting, he may need to change that kind of behavior, in heeseung's opinion.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>this quality of the younger boy was probably one of the reasons heeseung had not warmed up to him immediately. he liked the boy as a friend but he wasn't at ease with what he does.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"sunoo-ah, are you tired?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"not really..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"then i think it is best for you to use the time we have efficiently. i'm not saying you should push yourself to the limit but sometimes, we really need to work hard especially now that we're in a survival show. who knows what a day of practice could do to improve your talents and skills, right?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the 18 year old had been worried the younger wouldn't be able to show the best he can to the producers. heeseung saw what he can do and it is something worth showing everyone for. him not being able to do that would be a huge loss not just to sunoo but to the producers themselves.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>sunoo only smiled sheepishly, his unsure eyes meeting heeseung's now widely awake ones.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>then, his face lightened up with a gasp like christmas arrived already, pointing with an open hand at the older.</p>
  <p>"you called me 'sunoo-ah'."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>what?</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>heeseung couldn't believe what goes on in sunoo's mind.<br/>
"from everything i said, that was the only thing you noticed?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the younger boy looked at him with mock accusation and offense in his eyes,<br/>
"it is not my fault you've never called me that before, heeseung-hyung!" he giggled, causing heeseung to do the same as he went back to eating the delicious ramyeon.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the two had then lapsed into silence, heeseung realizing it was a comfortable one now. the only noise that resounded in the room was heeseung's slurping.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>then, sunoo had spoken, face serious.<br/>
"we were worried, hyung. when you excused yourself, you didn't come back then i found you sleeping like a log here, feverish." a hint of genuine concern and sincerity coated his voice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>heeseung had paused, gut twisting with guilt.<br/>
"i just needed a break. everything was just so stressful and tiresome ever since i-land."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"you work yourself too hard, heeseung-hyung." sunoo stated, a small frown gracing his pretty face.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>the older shook his head, hand playing with the chopsticks.<br/>
"i had no time to rest... yesterday may have been bad for some reason but it, at least, gave me a moment to myself."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"ah! you keep telling me to work hard and look! you've overworked yourself." sunoo had that face mixed with both taunting and teasing as his eyes widened at heeseung who in turn, jumped to his own defense.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"it's not that, sunoo-ah! you always take a break and eat snacks at practice, you know. i always wonder how you don't get fat with all that eating you do."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"yah, heeseung-hyung!" heeseung had to yelp when sunoo slapped his arm playfully before lying on his back while bursting to a fit of laughter.</p>
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  <p>the younger boy's eyes disappeared to slits as he giggled to himself, hand covering his mouth.</p>
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  <p>his bell-like laughter made heeseung lighten up, a laugh of his own escaping him when he threw his head back. he had never thought he'd be able to laugh after what he experienced the day before but there he had been, snickering like a madman at something not that funny.</p>
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  <p>he needed that laugh. it was a relief from the stress he had been through. heeseung had finally understood the effect sunoo had. from being branded as something he had found unnecessary in this survival show, sunoo's bright and warm personality was something heeseung now considered uplifting at times like this. it was very special. heeseung was thankful.</p>
  <p>he is like the sun. it would be kinda irritating at first when it hits your eye or burn your skin but you'd find it's actually warm and a light to brighten up your day.</p>
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  <p>"thank you, sunoo-ah." he looked at the boy, a genuine smile dancing on his lips at the comfort the younger boy brought him.</p>
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  <p>sunoo flushed red, forehead creasing with confusion.</p>
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  <p>"w-what? for what, hyung?"</p>
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  <p>"for being so... you. you remind me of the sun, warm and bright. i kinda needed that so... thank you."</p>
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  <p>sunoo didn't say anything though the bright smile on his face remained. with a chuckle, heeseung finished the remaining food on his bowl, contented and happy.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i got writer's block so this took a while lol</p><p>bear with me. i didn't know how to end this chapter.</p><p>(edit) ps: i've also posted this on my wattpad acc @acenhypen just sharing :)</p><p>(edit #2) i just posted a sunseung video on yt if anyone's interested</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. "heeseung-hyung"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>why does lee heeseung even try when he's already got it all?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>why does lee heeseung even try when he's already got it all?</em>
</p><p>sunoo could only name a few of the many charms of i-land's ace.</p><p>visuals? check.</p><p>dance? check.</p><p>vocals? check.</p><p>personality? a big check.</p><p>what more did heeseung need, right? he is basically just waiting for the other members to debut with him.</p><p>but what bewilders sunoo is his heeseung-hyung practices like he is one of the worst trainees ever. he almost always practices like his life depended on it. it is good that his hyung isn't complacent but sunoo notices that it is too much.</p><p>even in the training camp which sunoo saw as a way to relieve stress and probably improve his skills, heeseung had worked like he will get eliminated even if he has already secured a spot in the next part.</p><p>the older almost comes back to their shared room late either from practice or recording.</p><p>it is like trying to perfect something that is already a masterpiece. another reason why lee heeseung amazes and 'irritates' him.</p><p>sunoo can't understand why he pushes himself too hard. it is not like he'll get a really bad score in their evaluation if he slacks off a bit in practicing.</p><p>at this rate, his arduous practicing could affect his physical health.</p><p>it worried sunoo.</p><p>and to his dismay, it did affect his heeseung-hyung.</p><p>it had been very hot that day. sunoo had felt like he was sweating rivers as they danced to a song assigned for them to perform at their practice sessions.</p><p>sunoo had wanted to stop dancing and eat a snack while watching himself at the mirror.</p><p>"okay! five, six, seven, eight!" their dance instructor shouted, face red from the weather.</p><p>
  <em>i wanna rest. maybe eat something sweet too. or watch a disney movie.</em>
</p><p>"heeseung-ssi!"</p><p>everyone had stopped abruptly and sunoo's fatigue had momentarity vanished to panic at their dance instructor's look of anger towards heeseung.</p><p>lee heeseung, the one who is good at everything, had his attention specifically called by the furious dance instructor.</p><p>"are you getting complacent now? since you already secured a spot, hmm?"</p><p>"no, sir." had been heeseung's firm reply, eyes steady on the ground and stance strong.</p><p>sunoo could only watch with the others as their dance instructor belittled his heeseung-hyung for a simple mistake of not putting much energy in his dance.</p><p>heeseung never faltered in his stance, still firm and strong. he reminded sunoo of a perfect soldier. a hero.</p><p>he wondered how he does that. be so strong, unwavering and invincible.</p><p>sunoo could never. he's always doing everything with one hand at the back. there is always a limit to himself. he always draws a line that he could never cross or he'd suffer the consequences greatly.</p><p>one time, at the third test, he had unintentionally pushed himself to his limit and the result had been an unpleasant experience for him. he hated that he could never give his all.</p><p>he wondered if he had not been like... this, will he be able to be even a bit as good as heeseung.</p><p>as vain as it seemed, that had been sunoo's thoughts as heeseung got scolded. those thoughts lingered in his head until the end of session, his mood suddenly spoiled with bitterness.</p><p>after their session, sunoo saw how almost everyone went to heeseung's side to see if he was okay.</p><p>sunoo didn't know why but he had stood a bit far from them, observing him with keen eyes.</p><p>his heeseung-hyung seemed fine for someone who just got shouted at a few minutes ago.</p><p>is it bad that sunoo wanted to see even a slight sign of him not being so perfect all the time?</p><p>whether it's bad or not, sunoo found himself watching heeseung like a hawk during their break until the older suddenly left from playing with jungwon, saying he'll get something from their room.</p><p>he didn't come back after that.</p><p>half an hour had passed and some of them noticed heeseung's absence so sunoo being his roommate had volunteered to go find him to also satisfy his curiosity.</p><p>it had been a surprise for him to find his heeseung-hyung sound asleep on his bed, snoring softly.</p><p>
  <em>he was really tired, i guess.</em>
</p><p>a tiny part of the 17 year old was slightly satisfied to see that lee heeseung still gets tired no matter how perfect he seems.</p><p>sunoo would have left him already if it weren't for him noticing his hyung unusually shivering in a scorching weather.</p><p>when he had pressed the back of his hand to heeseung's forehead, it was really warm.</p><p>sunoo realized he had a fever. despite himself, he had been worried. guilty too at how bad he wanted the older to show a weakness in order to heal his ego.</p><p>in a weird way, sunoo thought it had been kinda his fault that heeseung got sick.</p><p>and he cared about his hyung despite the love-hate feeling he had for the other's talent and personality. so having forgotten the snacks he had left on the table at the lounge, sunoo chose to tend to his sick hyung.</p><p>from countless experiences like this with his noona, sunoo felt like a professional nurse as he watched over heeseung. it had been a slightly ego-boosting feeling.</p><p>since the afternoon, he didn't leave heeseung's side until the older's temperature had gone down to normal. he had not been sure he got a decent amount of sleep from both worry and stress.</p><p>when morning came, all sunoo wanted is to get some sleep but he found that he couldn't yet he felt so drained.</p><p>"sunoo-ah, is heeseung-hyung okay?" jay had asked him when he went out for breakfast, keeping in mind to save something for his hyung when he wakes up.</p><p>sunoo had nodded and asked jay to excuse himself and heeseung from their practice to take care of heeseung and get some rest after.</p><p>after breakfast, all the other applicants had went straight to their practice studio, leaving sunoo alone as he got his heeseung-hyung a hot bowl of ramen, a good food for a cold and coincidentally the older's favorite food.</p><p>thankfully, when sunoo went back to the room to bring him food, he was already awake.</p><p>he looked better than yesterday much to sunoo's relief.</p><p>"good morning, heeseung-hyung." he couldn't help but smile at the look of confusion on heeseung's face. the older looked like a bat exposed to sunlight.</p><p>when he had settled the tray down on his bed, his heeseung-hyung had that doubtful expression on his face as he stared at him. sunoo felt conscious and intimidated.</p><p>the look on his face had suddenly made sunoo realize what he was doing.</p><p>he was taking care of somebody. it was usually the other way around. but the fact that it is heeseung made it even more strangely unsettling.</p><p>it was probably because they had not been that close at the time. there is always a thin layer of awkwardness and tension in the air whenever they interact. sunoo thought it was because they weren't given enough time to bond and he couldn't shake this tiny feeling of inferiority whenever he's with his heeseung-hyung.</p><p>whenever his heeseung-hyung looked at him, he always feels like he's being silently judged for some reason. sunoo didn't want to assume but when they're together, no matter how friendly and humble heeseung is, it feels like he would never be able to forget that they are not on the same level.</p><p>maybe heeseung thought that way too that's why they could never be truly comfortable with each other.</p><p>because unlike him, heeseung is the strong one. the great one. the ace.</p><p>lee heeseung is a whole embodiment of sunoo's insecurities.</p><p>sunoo was the positive type of person. he never lets anything rain on his parade even if he got sent to ground two times or when they didn't win on his birthday.</p><p>he never blamed what he got in this life and even managed to learn to live with it.</p><p>but at that moment, all he had felt was how resentful and angry he was that he met a person with all the qualities he wished he had. a person who he had wanted to be.</p><p>maybe just a tiny part of sunoo had not been really worried that heeseung worked too hard. maybe that part had been worried heeseung would be so perfect he wouldn't be able to feel even smaller than he already is with him.</p><p>he hated this feeling yet he knew it wasn't anyone's fault. it wasn't heeseung's nor it wasn't his. maybe it was the freaking---</p><p>"okay. thanks." heeseung grabbing the glass of water from his hand had brought sunoo out of his thoughts.</p><p>to distract himself from heeseung unintentionally lowering his self esteem, sunoo decided to focus on taking care of heeseung himself. he hated how heeseung made him feel small but he couldn't deny he liked the older as a friend.</p><p>"eat up now, hyung. i told the others you've gotten sick so you get a day off today."</p><p>"but i'm okay no---"</p><p>
  <em>gosh! when will you stop trying so hard to be more perfect than perfect?</em>
</p><p>only lee heeseung had the power to make him worried and irritated at the same time.</p><p>"heeseung-hyung, take a rest."</p><p>that stopped heeseung who sighed and grabbed the hot bowl of ramen.</p><p>"aren't you going to eat?"</p><p>"i already ate, hyung. it's way past breakfast now."</p><p>"so, they're all practicing now?"</p><p>"yep."</p><p>"what about you?"</p><p>"well..."<br/>
there it had been again. the feeling of a cowardly mouse in a presence of a majestic lion.</p><p>when heeseung started to tell him to use his time efficiently to practice, sunoo held back from screaming that he couldn't.<br/>
he wanted to shout at heeseung for being painfully right.</p><p>but, out of all the words that left the older's lips, only one really struck sunoo.</p><p>
  <em>'sunoo-ah.'</em>
</p><p>heeseung calling him <em>sunoo-ssi</em> before had also made the 17 year old feel that there is always a barrier between them as friends and individuals. it had added up to the feeling of intimidation he had.</p><p>'<em>sunoo-ssi'</em> is so formal that sunoo really thought heeseung didn't see him as a friend completely</p><p>that's why hearing that endearment from heeseung had brought sunoo a sense of joy. a sense of welcoming.</p><p>that single word eased his mind even just for a bit.</p><p>maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as small and unwelcome as he thought he was in heeseung's eyes.</p><p>it made him so happy and weightless that he found himself sharing a laugh with heeseung for probably the first time.</p><p>he never thought he'd be able to be this comfortable with the older. without noticing, the two of them had spent the whole day talking and laughing with each other.</p><p>in a way, <em>'sunoo-ah'</em> had taken a chip out of the wall between him and the older boy.</p><p>gradually that chip grew larger when slowly, sunoo found himself growing closer to heeseung to the point that he felt strange eating breakfast alone whenever the older sleeps in.</p><p>unlike before where they don't usually talk much, sunoo and heeseung almost always held conversations during breaks. they'd even play together where sunoo almost always loses.</p><p>even when they had switched roommates which sunoo couldn't deny was sad since he found himself liking sharing a room with heeseung, their newly formed bond didn't change.</p><p>the development of their friendship had been the highlight of their training camp for him.</p><p>aside from when he got picked as a finalist for part 2 and got rank 1, his happiness had exceeded the level of happiness he usually feels when he had found that he would be sharing a room with daniel and heeseung.</p><p>he found it both funny and amazing how the training camp had done so much between him and heeseung who he never thought he'd be real friends with.</p><p>deep down though, sunoo had known there is still something that had not completely broken down the wall between them.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>but at that time, it had been enough for him.</p>
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